13 Thoughts on Turning X Years

Ever since I went over the magic number 25 I have been forgetting how old I am. I have needed to do quick mental maths to arrive at the correct answer every time someone asks me how old I am. Why have I been forgetting? Well, there is so much pressure to be young, beautiful and forever radiant. Acknowledging age becomes a reminder that the external is withering and soon your smile will not get you everything you want in this fickle world. J Age slowly withers the external but with it comes a bit of wisdom if you let it. The brains will help you when the beauty starts to diminish. In accordance with all those lovely things I aspire to be, as I become less and less of the “hottie” I once was, I thought let me write something of the little wisdom gained over this x amount of years to make up for the loss in external youthful exuberance.

Firstly, Polonius was right, to thine own self be true. The sooner you learn this the better for your happiness and those around you that love you. Do not live a life that is not in accordance with the truth that resides in your heart. You will never succeed at what you are not, but you will excel at who you really are. The people that love you will, usually have been waiting for you to free yourself of the pretence anyway.

Secondly, let go of the shit and let it hit the fan. The catastrophe will happen but then everyone can bath afterwards. If you don’t, there will always be this perpetual stink that everyone must live with. Really I mean it. If you don’t let it go people will gladly let you hold theirs too. Don’t do it. All grown-ups know where the loo is and you are not it. Just drop it, like it’s… lol!

Thirdly, get a good friend. Get a friend who believes in you more than you believe in yourself if you can. One who will be strong for you when you are weak. My mom was that friend. When she died Rhianna was making the world sing “Shine bright like a diamond”. For months this is the only line in a song that managed to penetrate to the soft core of my soul which I had managed to wrap up in in sheets and sheets and sheets of impenetrable iron velvet. She, my Mom, had always been that voice in my life which told me to shine. Her voice was the voice whose words I believed more than I believed in my own ability to shine. I would shine simply because she had no doubt that I would.  The second line in the song ‘’you’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky…”was my mental dedication to her. It was based on memories of Pumba and Timon lying down looking at the stars in the sky, saying the great kings of the past are up there looking down upon us. Mom died of course but her belief in me and her words to me such as “You are made of sterner stuff” cannot be wiped out by anything. I was blessed to have had a good friend in her. Not all of us have our parents as friends. Find a good friend whose words can cut through the haze and lift you up.

Fourthly, dare to love fully and entirely, dare to do it over and over again. It is not foolish if you keep on getting better at it. The people you love may leave and some will die. Do not waste time on silly grudges. Use the time you are blessed with to show the people you love how much you love them.

Fifth, know this, when the ones you love leave or die, you will feel grief. It is a little 5 letter word, this thing called grief, it will wind you and leave you lying there thinking you cannot take another breath, thinking you don’t even want to take another breath because what is the point? Mmmmmh at this point I hope you have done number 3 and gotten yourself a good friend. If you don’t have a good friend, find a stranger. You need a human being. God is useful for a lot of things but here you will feel like even He has let you down. Maybe the human being will be inspired by God, that’s great too. Just remember there are certain things common to all humanity great love and great sorrow is universal. It is important for someone, a human being, to know you are hurting. Don’t try and pull a lone soldier. Part of the lesson is to ask for help, part of the lesson is how to be weak, part of the reward is to know that you are not alone.

Sixth, there is no time for people who abuse you, do not appreciate you and do not add value to your life. You just don’t have the time in this life time for that. There are people who stick around you so that you can entertain them with your challenges and make them feel better about their miserable lives. Get brave and cut them off quickly. Make space for relationships that are real. Until you clear out these space holders you will not enjoy quality fulfilling relationships. The first quality relationship you should have is with yourself. Create space to get to know you outside the hustle and bustle of senseless conversations about nothing beneficial.

Seventh, things happen in life that are beyond your control. There will be times when you think it cannot get any worse than what it is at any given point. I can confirm that it can. I read this somewhere and it became true in my own life. I can also confirm that the amount of strength that resides in you can handle it. Do not give up. Sit down and cry as much as you need. Lie down on the dry earth or the mud and become one with it. At your lowest point allow yourself to sink deep down into the depths that is where the demons you must slay reside. Be brave and go there. These experiences cannot be healed by patch work you have to descend into the abyss and come out a victorious. You will likely be nicely alone when this happens or you will be with people but feel alone. When you are down there in the deep bowels of the earth, the earth being the only thing you find to cradle you in that moment, ask for help. Say out loud, Help me. Your help will come. Believe me it will. And it will come from where you least expect it. You will amaze yourself as you raise your bowed head and stare at the beast in the face, it will lower its eyes defeated by your relentless will and you will turn around and walk away stronger than you were. But you need to face it.

Eighth, exercise, just exercise. After the first few tries it starts to feel nice. You start to reap the benefits. It is important for our health now that our natural youthful super-powers are dwindling.

Nine, put some thought into what you eat. Do the research.

Ten, enjoy this very moment.

Eleven become conscious of your impact on the environment. Make changes to your life style to have a more positive impact.

Twelve, raise your voice against what is unjust. Don’t be a bystander. We are bringing up children in this place. They may not be your own but they are vulnerable.

Thirteen, don’t put it off until tomorrow.

Simple enough. The happy things don’t need explaining.

And there it is. I turned x amount of years and this is the little wisdom I wanted to share. I know it is a little bit dark but that’s where I have been lately, these are the dark places where I grew to be strong and that’s what I’ve I have learned.  

The Sea - East London

Lovely day at the beach at Quigney in East London yesterday and I couldn't resist the call of the warm sea water so in my clothes I jumped into the sea.

It was so nostalgic to see the Windmill which is where the bus to Rhodes would always stop on our way to varsity. At that point I would have been about 20 hours into a 24 hour journey suffering from motion sickness. I was still unable to resist the chicken from the Windmill as I looked longingly at the beach that I couldn't reach because the bus only stops for 20mins there :)
So just to set things right this time I made sure I made it into the sea.

Great service at Café Neo too the waitresses are excellent.
All round a great trip, well worth the exhausting drive back. The Eastern Cape is beautiful.

Mom

I went through a period of looking at people directly in their eyes to see if I could read there a common understanding that we have all lost something so integral to the beauty of this world. That unspoken communication like a reaching out through the eyes to say "My mom died, she died". I wanted to say that the flowers will never bloom the same again. I wanted someone to understand that there is a number on my phone that I could call anytime since I could use a phone, that I can never call again. I wanted to say I am 30something but I feel like I am 3years old and I have been left alone in a big, big house and it is getting dark. In the end I found that it is enough that I understand. It is a priviledge that I understand. It is a pain I carry with pride because she was wonderful and she is my Mom.

Africa's Beautiful Places - Hartees

Here’s the thing. So, I've set this massive challenge for myself to write, broadcast and express, positive things about Africa. It is difficult because the deluge of information that is available when you do research is about all the not so great stuff. Yes, allow me the euphemism because I believe that when you focus on something you feed it and it grows. I would like to focus on the good that is in abundance in Africa. I am finding that doing this means that I must write about my own experience of the good. This is because good news doesn’t make news and not many of us are sharing the goodness that is right before us on our beautiful continent.  



Hartees Cable Way - View From The Top



Ok, so the weekend before last weekend, I went to Hartbeesport Dam and surrounds with a good friend. We went up the mountain in a cable car on the longest mono-cableway in Africa. The view was amazing. The dam, the skyline, the paragliders above, it was all an afternoon well spent indeed. The cable ride itself is an interesting experience in that you witness the view get more and more beautiful as you go up, while being aware of the fact that you are dangling from the sky on a rope. It is like a religious experience in that there is this sudden peace that envelops you when the doors close and you start your ascend. Seriously all noise falls away. It starts to get uncomfortably peaceful so you make a joke to break the silence as you contemplate the other people in the cable car with you. Yes, I admit thoughts of your dear loved ones left on terra firma cross your mind, ever so gently but they actually do, and as much as you were surrounded by peace and beauty you are happy to get off the dangling comfortable box at the top to enjoy the view with your feet on the mountain. Once you reach the top you take a walk along the mountain walk way along which there are boards of information about the particular direction you are looking and what you can see in the distant horizon, like Joburg City with the Tower, The Dome and other landmarks that can be seen from the mountain. It is a pleasant walk which culminates at the little pizza place on top of the mountain which actually has great pizza.
 

Looking Over The Dam Wall - Right



When you descend the mountain the same way you came up, in the cablecar or paragliding, either way with the same thoughts of your loved ones, but this time with that fresh Mountain air in your lungs, I would advise that you drive down to the dam itself. To get to the dam you will drive through a tunnel in the mountain. This is always fun as grown men honk their car horns just to hear what it sounds like in a tunnel. Boys will be boys. The view is beautiful. To the right hand side you will see the view in the picture above, to the left hand side of the dam wall you will see the view that follows below.
 

Sunset Looking Over The Dam Wall - Left
 



It is beautiful, and it is only 45mins drive from Joburg, whatever that means, but you get my drift :)

AND!!!!!!! This very spot where you'll be taking the pics above is where you find Africa's very own Arc de Triomphe. We couldn't get the whole thing in the picture, but then again those imperfect shots are the best pics because they show that you can neveer really capture the moment. Until you go there and experience it yourself.

Africa's Arch de Triophe



I love my continent :)

Cheers To The African Male :)

OK, OK so I have a particularly soft spot for African men :) One might ask who qualifies as an African man? Well for me, in this context, I mean those who identify themselves as African, regardless of race factors. I love them. I find something in that earthy manliness to be found in an African man, who is in touch with nature, even if only on weekends, one who can deal with a fire and one who, I imagine, could kill an animal for me to eat, should need arise, extremely attractive.

One can not justify stereotypes, and accusations of stereotyping take up too much space in comment threads all over the net. To address any concerns that may arise, this is a light-hearted rambling piece. This is not social commentary, I have not done extensive research.I am writing this from a place of admiration and appreciating God's creation. It is about what I like, in other words, personal taste and the opportunity to laud what I would like to appreciate. I would like to steer clear of any arguments, we all know God created diversity and everyone has a claim to the spotlight, but this particular piece is for my favourite kind of African man, the tall, strong, darker skinned version.

Being slender and of a fairer shade perhaps it is mere attraction to what is my ultimate opposite. The more different he is from me the more mysterious. The myriad of questions include ; what does his skin look like next to mine? When he holds my hand, do I feel a strong, decisive yet gentle security? What does he feel when he holds my hand? Does he feel a gentle, receptive yet dignified elegance? Is he just as mesmerised by the differences as I am?

So, what else is it about strong, darker skinned African men? Firstly, I love this continent if he is dark, it says beautiful Africa. My immense love for the continent naturally overflows and intermingles with my intense love for him. My Dad intensely loved my Mom. His love for my Mom is the example that I saw and that is how I would love to be loved, my Dad was a strong, darker skinned African man. 

Why must he be strong? Well, having spent a lot of time protecting myself, I would like to fall asleep without remembering where the mace is and checking all the windows and doors are properly locked and rehearsing some self defence moves mentally. Going to the gym never hurt nobody, I like to be assured he has a strong heart :) besides muscles are good to look at and touch.

Why would it be better if he was tall? Well, I just love looking up at him and how he lowers his massive chest just a little, so that I still look up, but he still dips a little to talk to me. I like him to defer to the lady, (me of course) once in a while, just coz I am queen because he is king too.

I need not discuss being a productive human being here because that applies to all skin tones. Nonetheless, I find a dark skinned African man of influence even more attractive. I am attracted to the tales of his unsaid personal struggles that make him who he is today. I am attracted to his history, that of his parents, that of his grand parents and ancestors. I am attracted to his successes, past, present and future.

I want an assurance that should Armageddon come we will not be the first to perish because he has means, networks, connections, street wisdom, heavenly wisdom and maybe just physical strength. As you can tell, I' m in this to win it so I can't have a weak team player, mentally, physically or emotionally ;)

And... they are there, these dark skinned African men in whose arms a baby can rest while a lady rests in the other. Those who are strong in the face of gentle things too.

Jah, jah, jah that is why at this point I am single right, because no one man can be all this and still stand my other eccentricities? Mmmh... not true, I saw one the other day. God's reassurance that they exist. I don't know his finer details but he inspired this piece without saying much except a word or two, perhaps with a french accent, perhaps with an English accent, perhaps with an accent from the village he comes from, perhaps not, bending down a little from his great height to offer his hospitality at some great place, somewhere on this great continent...

Africa at the Olympics London 2012

Running away from the inclination to compare ourselves to other continents/nations, I feel a deep feeling of pride in what African olympians have done at the 2012 Olympic games in London. Welldone to the representatives of different African countries who have, through their excellent performance inspired other young Africans to follow in their footsteps on the world's stage. Jumping clear above of any discussion about how we could have done better here and there and the criticism of athletes and organisers in region specific media, the stories to be told are the stories of the athletes who got to London and won. The challenges African athletes face everyday ranging from poor training facilities and lack of government support are the furnances in which the excellence of the African athlete's performance has been forged. Imperative to say, there are governments who have given their athletes support and there are facilities that are being kept in good working order. There are also athletes who have overcome a mentality of helplessness to circumstance by taking their destiny in their own hands and trying twice as hard to become their nation's pride and joy. A total of 11gold medals in hand, Africa has done well at the London Olympics. Another reason to be proudly African :)

Telling African Stories - the simple vision.

As I lay awake at 2am this morning as I often do so as to be awake when the ideas crystalise in my head, it finally came to me. I like how that sounds like a vision and it is. For years I have toyed with the idea of "Telling African Stories" in one form or the other and this morning the 3words finally came together to form a goal. There had been thousands of words and images in all forms and languages but finally last night I could narrow the vision down. The thing that excites me enough to keep me awake at night is "Telling African Stories" and that is what I shall do.
This is a sub-vision to the supreme vision to radiate, warmth , love, beauty, hope and all things good.
And so I shall tell the stories in a way that reinforces my ultimate raison d'etre.

On other nights since birth other aspects of the vision would play in my mind. I would play them over and over again in my head, the poems, the epic tales, the documentaries, the movies, the publications, the paintings, the songs, the music, the people and their voices.

Out of all the definitions of myself, there is one that I have always been comfortable and confident in and that is that I am an artist. This definition transcends my qualifications and the work that I do and is just the me that I am.

In the limited occassions that I have engaged with my father there is one occassion where I recieved a blessing, command, direction, prophecy and an answer all in one. I asked him should I study Law or Journalism. He said, study law, you can be a journalist at anytime you choose because that is in your blood you dont need to study it. My father's words have always been precious because often they were all we could share. So I hang on to these as permission, per mission and blessing.

And so, this may not be my day job, but wish me well as I continue this journey whose route I have been travelling subconsciuosly all this time. Now I can pick up the pace as I walk with a three word destination in mind "Telling African Stories".