Mom

I went through a period of looking at people directly in their eyes to see if I could read there a common understanding that we have all lost something so integral to the beauty of this world. That unspoken communication like a reaching out through the eyes to say "My mom died, she died". I wanted to say that the flowers will never bloom the same again. I wanted someone to understand that there is a number on my phone that I could call anytime since I could use a phone, that I can never call again. I wanted to say I am 30something but I feel like I am 3years old and I have been left alone in a big, big house and it is getting dark. In the end I found that it is enough that I understand. It is a priviledge that I understand. It is a pain I carry with pride because she was wonderful and she is my Mom.